Are Symbiotes Essentially Space Cats? An Investigative Report by Eddie
by SingingInTheRaiin
Summary: Venom does things sometimes that are similar to the things cats do. Eddie decides to find out just how similar to cats his symbiote is. (one-shot)


_Step One: Make an Observation_

 **Eddie, we are hungry.**

At the sudden declaration, Eddie forced himself to look up from the article he'd been working on. He made a brief assessment of his current physical state, and found that he was very clearly not feeling hunger. And normally if only Venom was hungry, he would feel a faint tinge of it in the back of his mind. Right now there was nothing there. "Are you sure, darling? Maybe you're just bored."

He could easily feel Venom's indignation at the thought that they could not understand their own feelings. **Eddie, if we were bored, we would find something interesting to do. Right now we are hungry.**

Eddie let out a sigh. "Fine, fine. But we are not going out for any person-shaped snacks at the moment. I'm right in the middle of something important, and I'm not in the mood to be running around in the slums right now. I'll just throw some tots in the toaster, okay?" Venom didn't respond, but there seemed to be a feeling of general contentment from them, which was answer enough.

Eddie went back to work until the toaster dinged, and then he pulled out the tater tots. "Viola. Here you go."

Venom's head materialized next to Eddie's, but instead of leaning forward to devour the food, they turned to look at Eddie with something that almost seemed to be mild disgust. " **We are not hungry, Eddie."** They stared at him for several long seconds until he figured out what he was supposed to do. Eddie reached up to pat them on the head several times before they jerked away and sank back into Eddie's body without another word.

Eddie rolled his eyes. 'Just like Anne's stubborn cat,' he thought to himself.

 _Step Two: Ask a Question_

Venom was in the middle of watching some mindless made for TV movie while Eddie typed away at his computer. He was onto something big, he just knew it, and he didn't want anything to distract him from finishing this story. His fingers were flying across the keyboard, and Eddie was definitely in the zone and-

Then Venom plopped down from where they had been hovering in the air next to Eddie, landing right on top of his keyboard with a soft thunk, not bothered by the fact that they mashed several random letters onto the screen. " **Eddie, are we married?"**

If the sudden interruption hadn't been enough to throw Eddie out of the zone, then that question certainly was. "What? What are you talking about?"

Venom narrowed their eyes. " **In that movie, the two who got married decided to live in a small space together, and cook food for each other, and sleep in the same bed. So are we married?"**

Eddie couldn't help letting out a small laugh. "I think it's customary for marriages to take place after the two have known each other for longer than a few months. And besides, it's a legal and religious ceremony. I can think of all sorts of reasons why we would never be able to get married." When there was a long pause, he was worried that he'd upset his other. "Venom-?"  
" **We are not married,"** Venom announced in an agreeable tone. " **We are bonded, which is far superior."** They sounded smug, as if they'd just somehow figured out an impossible loophole, even though Eddie wasn't aware of there having been a problem in the first place.

After several seconds passed, Eddie arched one eyebrow. "That's great and all, but could you please move? I was right in the middle of doing something important."

Venom scoffed. " **Nothing is more important than us."** Then they turned to peer at the computer screen. " **Besides, you are only writing nonsense words anyways, Eddie. It cannot be that important."**

Eddie groaned, and tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling. "Please, Lord, grant me patience so that I do not strangle this parasite," he muttered.

" **Not a PARASITE!"** Venom screeched loudly, and when Eddie looked at them, they looked very tense, and were arching up weirdly.

Eddie sighed, and reached over to gently pet the top of Venom's head. "I'm sorry, darling. You know that I didn't mean it. Now will you please move so that I can get back to work?"

" **No."**

Eddie was a bit annoyed, but once he acknowledged the fact that he wasn't going to be able to get any more work done at the moment, he nodded to himself and set the laptop down on the cushion beside him. Then he kicked back, propping his legs up on the coffee table, and folding his arms behind his head. As soon as he got into that relaxed position, focusing on the television, Venom moved and went back inside him. He snorted. "What are you, some kind of cat?"

 **Not a cat,** Venom grumbled. **Though we might eat one if we see one.**

 _Step Three: Form a Hypothesis_

There was a skip in his step as Eddie left the building after having handed over his latest article. He knew that it was a winner, and he had that feeling of victory flowing through him. He also had the feeling that he suddenly had some free time on his hands, which made for a nice break for once.

As he walked down the sidewalk, he was suddenly jerked to a halt as Venom abruptly took control of his body, and forced him to turn around and walk in the opposite direction. What the hell was Venom doing?

He got no response, so Eddie resigned himself to the idea that they were going to do whatever they wanted to, and he was just going to be dragged along for the ride. He didn't bother paying much attention to where they were going, since he'd find out eventually either way. Maybe he could even take a little nap while he was tucked away like this.

Eventually, Venom shoved control back to Eddie, and he would've fallen over if inky black tendrils hadn't shot out and stabilized him. "Thanks," he muttered.

 **We would not let you get hurt,** Venom told him earnestly as they withdrew completely into him. **Now go inside and buy us a ring.**

Eddie blinked a few times before realizing that they were standing in front of a trashy little pawn shop. "Uh, may I ask why this is necessary?"

 **To be married, Eddie.** Venom said it in a way that indicated Eddie was a moron for not figuring that out on his own.

"Didn't we already discuss this? I thought you decided that what we have is better than marriage anyways?"

 **Our bond is far superior,** Venom agreed. **But we have heard that if you like it, you must put a ring on it, and we like you, Eddie. We like you very much. And we like the idea of everyone knowing that you are ours.**

Instead of going into the shop, Eddie wandered around for a few minutes until he found a clean looking bench to settle down on. "You know, wearing rings doesn't make us belong to each other. Wanting to spend time together and making each other happy is more important than a piece of jewelry. Besides…" he trailed off when he realized that Venom had stopped paying attention to him. "What…?"

Venom took control again, and walked right up the window of a club with a flashing xxx sign in the window. **Those are fascinating colors to look at,** Venom told Eddie in a slow voice, like they were too mesmerized to even keep their thoughts in order.

'Hm, too bad I don't have a laser pointer. Then I could find out for sure just how much like a cat Venom is'. Eddie would have grinned to himself if he were in control of his face at the moment. He had a great idea now.

 _Step Four: Predict Your Results_

Eddie couldn't keep the excitement off of his face as he rummaged through his shopping bag. He pulled out the laser pointer he'd just purchased, and quickly cut off the cardboard and plastic that it came encased in. Venom seemed mildly curious about whatever have Eddie so happy, but they didn't ask what was going on. Eddie grinned gleefully as he went over to pull down the shades. He was sure that Venom was going to leap towards the light like a little kitty, and he was prepared for it to be adorable, but also probably weird looking to anyone who might peer inside.

 _Step Five: Test Your Hypothesis_

Eddie flicked off the lights to the living room, and then pressed the button to turn on the laser pointer. In his excitement, he had forgotten to put the batteries into it first.

 _Step 5.5: Try Your Test Again, this time with batteries, dumbass_

Eddie managed to successfully insert the batteries into the stupid little device, all the while with Venom questioning what was going on, and why were they just standing around in the dark like a couple of losers?

Then he pressed the button, shining a small red pinprick of light onto the opposite wall. He wiggled it around a few times to really get Venom's attention. **Eddie, we can see all of your thoughts. If you really believe that you can distract us with a small light that we know you are holding, then you are rather foolish, and we wish to reconsider our marriage proposal.**

Eddie shrugged, which made the light wiggle around some more. "Sorry. I guess I thought that it was just worth a-" Suddenly an entire pool of Venom's substance spilled out of Eddie's body, and rushed towards the wall, dragging Eddie along with them because there wasn't enough of them to create a very long connection.

Venom's sharp fingers slammed into the wall, and Eddie winced as he thought about how much it would cost to repair the giant holes now there. **Eddie! Give me the light!** Eddie held out the pointer, thinking that that was what Venom wanted, but then the symbiote just leapt over to where the red light was now resting on the ceiling due to the angle of Eddie's wrist. **Eddie!**

Of course Eddie couldn't hold back the loud laughter that had bubbled up in his throat. Even a creature like Venom, who was intelligent enough to understand the light, still wanted to capture it. Just like a cat.

 **We are not a cat!** Venom cried out as they continued to chase the light around the room while Eddie moved it. Furniture was knocked over, and several places on the wall got new punctures, but Eddie didn't really mind all that.

While he was distracted, Venom lunged at Eddie and tackled him to the ground, knocking the pointer out of his hand. It turned off instantly without anyone pressing down on the button, leaving the two of them in the mostly dark room. The drawn shades had been skewed to the side, letting in a small amount of sunlight. Eddie offered up an apologetic look. "Sorry?"

Venom growled. **Eddie! We caught you!** He nodded once, and then raised his arms up in surrender. Venom nodded in satisfaction, and then licked all the way across Eddie's face before settling on his mouth.

 _Step Six: Analyze the Results_

Well, it turns out that symbiotes really are very similar to Earth cats. Though in Eddies (slightly biased) opinion, they could be much cooler than cats could be. A cat would never try to clean up the mess that it has caused, while Venom was busy putting everything that hadn't been broken back into its proper place.

 **Eddie?**

"Yes darling?"

Eddie had never heard Venom sound nervous before, but there was no other way to describe the hesitation in their voice. **Do you really think we are a cat?**

Eddie let out a soft laugh before answering. "Of course not. There isn't a cat alive cuter, or smarter, or funnier than you are."

That did the trick to bring the confidence back to Venom's voice. **Good. We do not think that you are a cat either.**

Eddie grinned, and then got up to walk over to the shopping bag he'd brought home with him. The laser pointer hadn't been the only thing inside, but Venom had been so distracted by it that they hadn't even gotten a single glimpse of Eddie's plans. He pulled out a small box, and popped it open. "You wanted me to wear a ring, right?"

He could feel Venom's joy flow through him. **Yes, Eddie. We would like that very much.** Eddie held the ring out so that Venom could do the honors, and Venom eagerly grabbed the small piece of metal to slid onto Eddie's finger. It ended up on his middle finger instead of ring finger, but he didn't really mind. **Now we are married, Eddie.**

He nodded. "Yes we are."


End file.
